Thursday, March 30, 2006

NNENNA BU ENYI NWANYI YE YE (nnenna is a girlfriend)

What Are Your Intentions for this Man, Johny?

Na Wa For Waya!!!!

My peoples, America's Next Top Model is really getting interesting, as in did anybody Tivo this show. Before I commence with my commentary, I say jam your hands together in a big round of applause for Nnenna, the gorimapa-african-queen-chemist- top-model. Na You Biko!!!! Abeg make una find me 'Triple Crown' and 'Alligator razor' for dia, I am going to shave my head bald now.

First of all let me give a warning to all you eager readers. I appreciate the fact that you read these wrap ups, but just keep in mind that I am on the West Coast and don't get to see the show till midnight eastern time. How about I got home and someone had already sent me an email giving away the show. Abeg take time oh, that was some 'eregele o' (rough play).

So in the first quarter of the show, Nnenna is talking with her boyfriend oh. Hmh, I was hoping to hear her speaking some Igbo with one nna-bros and for her to say 'Chukwuemeka is my boyfriend'. How about we got introduced to 'John', a very very white boy. Not that there is anything wrong with her dating a white man. Mba, not at all, that is not my gripe. My gripe is that the girl dey bold o. She no fear bring am comot for sun. I mean you usually don't do that until the wedding is nigh, especially because that will leave him out for the lynch mob of sharks that are now sending palm wine and emissaries to Ofe-Uzo. On top of that she was saying 'I love you' any how. Anyways na oyinbo, you tell them that and they tell you 'I love you too... I love you more'. If that was an Aba or Onitsha boy he would have said 'C'mon shurrup dia, ya mouth like yen yen yen...lovukwa your head."

My initial shock and beef with her quickly faded when the guy tried to bring their personal story to the tv show. I mean like a good nigerian woman would do, she calmly told him she would see him at home, but the guy became heady and had to ask 'What are you intentions for this man?' Not that he was stern, he was all whipped. Come see as my sister take phone bang on top John head. I mean I was just jumping and shouting 'Daz ma gialu and she don tek no nonsense.' Serves him right, as if it is Nnenna that will buy ring and put on his finger to ask him to marry her. See mouth like 'what are your intentions?' Abeg bring telephone pole too let me help bang his head.
Then he tried to get all pissy about her kissing the male model. Like 'dude' freaking chill the hell out, she is working to get paid and you are crying over one tiny no-tongue kiss. If the guy was serious and not just playing along for the drama, I would hope he has gotten himslef together. Meanwhile I wish them luck oh, It is not easy at all.
But come oh, this Nnenna that we have been saying is quiet, see as the girl just flip script. She must have been drinking 'Ovaltine' cos she 'over do' . They say empty barrels make the loudest noise, so you can imagine what that girl has in store for us in the coming shows.
I don't know who picks the picture though, but I was hoping for the one where the cape was blowing in the wind. They picked a very boring picture and pose with not much variation in what they present.

That being said, Nnenna RAWKED THIS WEEK. She is the competition and I have no doubt she will win. I would love to raid her new closet, even though it is only Sears. Shooo, that would save me a lot of money on sending my nice clothes home to my sisters. Her editorials were really good and she really showed everybody up and stepped the game up. Jade seems like she is getting pissed about that now. Jade's all talk and no game but Nnenna doesn't need to toot her own horn. So Nne, Omalicha fine bebe, if you happen to read this, Biko hook a sister up with a ticket to the finale party. I am going to dig up my giant Nigerian flag so I can wave it for the paparazzi.

Anyways these are the pictures. For those of you who saw the show, please share your reaction. I tried to take notes, but I was too excited with laughter to write.

Meanwhile my April-Turtle-Mobile-News-Van broke down on Monday. Luckily for me it was not while I was driving. The poor thing refused to start in the morning. So I rented a red kia from enterprise. How about the funniest and strangest thing happened. I can home today after I branched at someones house. My coworker was having a 'party lights' party. Basically they were trying to sell candles to me. My people help me laugh small. What kind of candle is it that I am buying that should cost $20. Candle kwa? Is it blessed by the Pope from Rome or from the Queen for that matter. Anyways as I was branching back out to go home, I got into the car. The car was still red and definitely the same one that I arrived in. BUt when I got to my house and cam out of the car, the car was not red but BLACK. OMG is literally what came out of my mouth. I thought I had taken another persons vehicle, hence commited grand theft auto. I paniced for a minute and looked at my key. Could Iit be possible that I had a master key that could open a different car. I shined my eyes and looked at the car well well. The thing was black o. I already had my phone in my hand ready to call 9-1-1. I walked around the car to check the license plate and the make and model of the car. I was like, my eyes is doing some magic. Then I looked in the glove compartment for my contract and it was in there. I laughed and heaved a huge sigh of relief. That was a rather close call. I haven't been in California long enough and I am already having these kind sof moments. I wonder what will happen in the summer when the sun comes out and starts frying my brain.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Ayo Kara and Oye Benson Battle On

Heard about their car accident a while back. Didn't know how serious it was. But I got this email below, which I am sure many of you got as well.

" Brothers And Sisters in Christ Jesus,
As we all know that our good friend Ayo Kara & Oye benson (are) in the hospital as a result of a car accident and I would like the support of you and I to unite together for one(1) day fasting and praying for Ayo & Oye. The fasting and praying will be on Wednesday 29th of march. As we all know that there is nothing impossible with God. If Jesus can heal the soldiers child through his faith, create human beings out of rock(women giving birth without womb) and finally raising the dead to life(Lazarus)then the lord can also heal Ayo& Oye and make them whole Once again i urge each and every one of us to come together under the banner of the most high to start praying for Ayo Kara & Oye Benson as the battle line as been drawn.Thank you Jesus."

Upon further inquiry I 'gathered' that these cats are really battling for their lives. No need to go into details. Anyways, I don't know them personally, but a few friends do. My only contact with them is being on their party list serve. Speaking of which, I am sure many of you have been to their parties. So the same way y'all responded to those emails and flyers by going to thier gigs is the same way y'all should respond to this call to put them in your prayers. Don't be Ben Johnson's who are only seen when things are good and runaway/forget people when times are hard. I've never been to their parties but I've heard about them all the way in NC (lol) and me I want to get the opportunity to attend one some day. I am sure y'all and their friends would also like to see them get better to throw another blazing party. I can tell you, that 'Thanksgiving Party' (or service) when they get out of the hospital fully recovered will be one not to miss, some seriously required 'OWAMBE' event glorifying God for getting them through this ordeal (jokes aside and keeping it real).
I don't know about you, I don't do much fasting but tonight in my nightly prayer I'll be saying a few words for them and interceding on their behalf. My favorite singer Deana Edwards(long story) once sang 'a stranger is a friend that you don't know', so even as you and I may not know Ayo and Oye, we are all endeared to their plight by share human compassion (WWJD) . Hence, in efforting this human kindness lets wish our guys all the best, encourage them to keep fighting and pray for their SPEEDY RECOVERY.(I go hail una for de party)

Oye, Ayo and a friend

Monday, March 27, 2006


Ok so it's just San Francisco

Kontri People! It seems like I have been to Asia and back in less than 24 hours. This weekend I drove up to San Francisco to meet up with my friend Ndidi and her fellow psychology PhD folks at some conference. They we're staying at Paris Hilton's house, you know the down town Hilton. Before I get to my gist, I have to complain first. Why the heck did it take me one whole hour to find my way to the hotel after exiting off the highway. That journey was only supposed to take 5 minutes. I mena I know my sense of direction is highly lacking, but seriously dudes, driving in San Francisco is no cake walk. Let me not even start talking about the buses with wire cables pulling them. As if the tires and the driver cannot take the buses to their various destinations. No they need o show off their hi tech sense. And not to mention the roads. I mean the only place that I've seen roads with such high inclines is in my village. Picture a truck trying to make it up or down the hill. Usually on roads like that you have to have someone come out of the car armed with one cement block or a good log so that the car does not roll too fast. Any how, this was what was going through my mind as I was driving up and down the roads. In my many years of driving in new cities, this is the one time that I did not try to go cheap and insist in metered parking. Actually we could not find any but the parking garage was not that expensive.
So as we were journeying in the car we arrived in Tokyo, Japan. I mean I was confused for a brief moment. I guess that's why it's called China Town. I even had to think for a moment, and out loud, that the mayor would probably be chinese too. Ndidi had to remind me that it's not really a town. But assuming it were, it'ld have a chinese-american mayor.
We managed to make our way out of the very stinky garage. I guess some people ease them selves and probably shower in the elevator. Probably the meth and cracked out homeless people. Speaking of those, they are every where and also aggressive here that you don't even pity them. I mean it's not by force to give panhandlers money but in this California, even if it a quarter is the last penny you have, you better part with it because that homeless person might just not like the way you looked at him and could follow you home. Now I understand how some of these Hollywood peeps feel.

Anyways back to my story. So we found our way to this supposedly famous restaurant on 'Kearny' and 'Columbus' called 'House of Nanking' right across the street from 'Neo-something-baum Copolla' (notice how i'm being very descriptive). The food was good. I have never had 'southern chinese' but trust yours truly to ask for 'crispy seasame beef' (bojangles/kfc style). It was really good. I can just taste the mushroom juice gushing onto my tongue as I bit into it and proceeded to masticate it in my buccal cavity.
Then Ndidi's uncle, whom she was meeting for the first time picked us up from there and took us sightseeing. Not sure how much we saw considering it was night. But he took us to the Golden Gate bridge, which by the way is red. Somebody must have been color blind. The bridge was well lit and beautiful, we could see the surf and smell the fish in the water. In fact if the moonshine was out we could have seen Japan in the water. See what I mean in this picture.

It was a bit cold so we took some quick pictures and got back in the car. Uncle DC then took us to the 'Gay Capital of the World', this strip called Castro. (Warning to Nigerian men, most of whom are highly homophobic, you don't wanna go there by mistake because you will be traumatized, probably have a heart attack and get CPR from the nearest doctor who'll probably be gay too. I am pained on your behalf thinking of that scenario alone). It was indeed a different culture there with rainbow flags flying and rainbow neon lights flashing. I knew they weren't refering to litereature when we drove past a restaurant-like place called 'Moby Dick'.
We drove past the 'hippie' end of town with people sitting on the side walk playing guitars and singing kumbayah. You could tell they were probably all vegeterian and yoga-holics. We ended up going to the Italian district where we had 'real italian desserts'. I had something called 'Tiramisu' (sp). Till today I have no clue what was in that stuff but it tasted really good. Not much sugar and icing, just the way I like it.
Ndidi's uncle wanted to take us to a bar to hang out but we were too tired, plus they had an early flight and I had a 3 and half hour drive ahead. SO we retired and that was the end of our trip to the Bay. Gosh I had been hearing about this Bay FOREVER. I mean, left and right, 'De bay, De bay'. I have finally come to 'De Bay' and 'De Bay is on point.'
I think I've fallen in love with San FRANCO already. At least I prefer it to New York. Not much traffic, not that many people, not as dirty or noisy and everyone is really chilled out. So far I think I'm definitely going to love California. 'Benjamin' needs to hurry up and come so that we can be living it up.

Meanwhile here are some ANTM commentaries

So Tyra decided to make Nnenna bald to make the quest more challenging. In my own words, that and this shoot were not fair. How are you going to put an african in igloo and ice-block and say you are taking their picture. I mean dawg wassup. Anyways Nne girl won the challenge by giving us the new african queen. And upon the unnaturalness of the set she melted that ice with her picture. Now that's a model.

Hmh...this picture on the other hand is not my fave. My sister looks like 'Willie Willie' going to kill 'Nchele'. They were supposed to be making her the princess from the fairy tale, 'The Princess and the Frog' but they were not successful. The stylist missed the mark. Anyways, this one was a fluke, still she looks good. I am sure next weeks picture will be better and we'll get to hear and see more of Nnenna on the show. I know she's the quiet strength and all, but i am tired of hearing Jade and Gina's dramatics. And OMG..would ya'll wear a 'roach broach'? That is sooo hella nasty. As in I wanted to use my 'silpas' (slippers) to smash the 'coke-roach' off the tv screen.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I didn't do much, just that I was craving pizza and had to get Pizza Hut corporate involved. Darn it. It was my birthday I'm supposed to get what I want and all I wanted was a freaking slice of pizza. There was no way in that I was gonna let a paper hat wearing teenager tell me otherwise. SO I called the local Pizza hut. I'd called a bunch of other places, all two of them and they didn't deliver. Finally I call this one and they had delivery but one problem...they do not deliver to cell phone requests. I was like 'Aw heeeelllll na'. I asked to speak with a manager and the guy brought another teenager who told me the same thing. I was like are you telling me that you are refusing me business and discriminating against me because I don't have a land line. Th guy started stuttering. Then I asked for their corporate number and he refused to give it to me. I then google the thing up and called to complain about this so-called policy. The lady on the other line who was in Dallas said there is no such policy and they should not refuse me service. This after I had dropped the word media or tv station somewhere in the conversation. She then told me to tell them that corprate is overriding what ever it is and they should not refuse me service otherwise she would have to write them up. I called again and how about I got my pizza at a 50% discount. All that trouble for one slice ... I just finished the last slice yesterday. I have never eaten so much pizza in my life. BUt it was one hella-good pizza.
Meanwhile the Junior Tarheels could not defend the championship, but they tried. They are still freshmen, by their sophomore and junior years they'll be ready to KILL it. So ya'll Dookies can stop panicking. Igo and Dare you can enjoy the opportunity to throw some cheap shots at this point.

And just as a side bar I have some questions to ask, especially after someone told me a certain story. Why are Americans always killing and putting animals to sleep. Is it only human being that have the right to die of natural causes. I mean every little thing that makes a cat sneeze..'oh we had to put her to sleep'. Isn't that like MURDER.

Anywho off to watch ANTM, i'll be back with some gist from that and last weeks since I missed that wrap up

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


U Better Party By Urself Cos It's Ur Birthday


'Hmh...What do We have Here? The Cental Coast Finest Wines.
Let's just say we're all getting to know each other.

Too bad ya'll missed out on my Hot Blazing Birthday Bash. Not to worry, I captured the star studded event.
Adaure's Hot Blazing Birthday Bash

(Looking at my watch,'s past midnight here and like 9am in Lagos and neither my parents nor my sisters have called yet to wish me Happy Birthday....that's quite unusual)

Sunday, March 12, 2006


About to Become Wedding Crasher

There was a time when all my friends and I talked about was whose 10th birthday we went to over the weekend and what color of BMX or Chopper bike we got for ours. We talked about who got or didn't get an invitattion to the MODE, Sisterhood, Babes-on-the-Pavement and Platform Sisters party. Those were high school cliques. Right from the day we walked through the gates of our high school into Form 1( First Form / Jss1) we talked about our valedictory service and what we would wear. When all that passed we talked about turning 18, new boyfriends, 'to-deflower-or-not-to-deflower', turning 21 and graduating from College. We shared pictures about some of these milestones, and at the time, grandioise occasions. We sent emails back and forth, from Nigeria to London to America. Emails flying back and forth, updating the posse with pictures and gist. Now we have gotten to a different stage in our lives, a stage of twinkling eyes, admiration, fantasy and pressure all bottled up in a package. Much of it accelerated with this technology called internet. Can you believe that all 5 emails that I have sent to two of my best friends in Nigeria in the past weeks have all been about someone's engagement, wedding or wedding website. Each time I chat with my friends online we usually start by saying, 'Yo Check this website out..'. I even got a death threat from my friend in Nigeria after I sent her the wedding websites and pictures of some of the blokes we all used to scope in our junior days in ISL. She wrote,"Let me just warn you now now. In your life, dont send me any such thing, cos now that I've seen it, I'm going to be miserable for the whole day. Glad for them, yes, but sorry for myself. At least till God has finished packaging my own for me". I don't blame her for the rage, sometimes you just want some memories to remain intact and uncorrupted. Sometimes we're in denial of how fast time is flying, how the lives of people we know are changing and perhaps even fear that our's will soon start changing radically (or not). I guess the journey of life has led me to the next stop; bus-stop of weddings. That stage in life when wedding bells are ringing every where. When you have wedding nightmares because the talk of the moment is a wedding or two, aso-ebi and bridesmaids dresses. It's a time that hits you so suddenly and the fact that I am a single Nigerian lady turning 26 in two days(my birthday is Tuesday March 14, I tried to hold out but it's difficult for me not to rave about my birthday, even if i'll be celebrating on my own) with a mother nagging about how she wants a grandchild is also not helping matters.

The Webbies

When the 'Aso-ebi' (matching lace and gele) fashion-flair, a typically Yoruba thing, went nationwide to becoming the highly produced and orchestrated signature for Nigerian occasions I thought that was the height for us. The craze went from being a thing for just the iyas and the-'and-Co's, (mothers and married couples) to being the outfit of choice for the bevy of girlfriends, the different families and in-laws, and all the cliques and clubs the wedding couple and their parents belong to. But trust Nigerians to always take thing to a different level, stepping up the game at every opportunity and raising the bar even higher. Forget Aso-ebi, that's for the mothers and the stylists (aka Tailaurent) to figure out. The Nigerian yuppies of today are going high tech with their ceremony and making the first port of protocal on the world wide web with their 'we-are-too-darn-hot' wedding websites. Forget the Wedding Channel powered wedding registries-slash-guestbooks. These ones come fully equipped with flash and music, not just for the index page, but some for each page you click on. The pictures are not just 'snap-shots', they are 'photo-shoots'; make up, wardrobe, adobe-photoshot and the whole nine. You think TLC's A Wedding Story is filled with mushy mushy sob stories of love at first sight, wait to you read how these couples met, how the guy calcualtedly spit game and orchestrated plans to get the girl, how the girl's friends tricked her into flying cross country to meet the guy, and how he proposed to her on the Eiffel Tower in Paris or on the River Thames, or how he had to get on his knees or on the phone to ask the girl's father. If nobody is getting the hint, Nigerian television needs its own 'Wedding Story'. To John Makawa, MNET, Silverbird, Messrs. Ben and Guy Murray Bruce, ya'll better get on this tip because I am talking about some serious ratings here.

This weekend alone I have seen 4 websites, 2 of which are my favorite so far. Check out Adeola weds Hakeem page which comes with a beautiful love-birds only photo session and a Yoruba theme song by Tosin Martins for the index page. I have not closed the page yet because that song just makes my heart melt. I have to say, that I give Yoruba musicians and the language two thumbs-up and an I-salute when it comes to love songs and romantic ballads. From OmoPupa to Olufunmilola, Ololufemi, Oruka and Olojowo, these songs make me retreat my 'Igbo-nationalism' card (aka tribalism) and want a Yoruba boy to serenade me with these lyrics. (Hint, hint, the applicant pool is being expanded to be inclusive rather than exclusive, after all we are God's children and there's room for all. However the right to be selective is still reserved for incasities.) Another cool thing about this page is that it was all built from scratch by someone in Nigeria and the photographer is also based in Nigeria. Check out the credits page for information. This is just another testament to the fact that the wedding business in Nigeria is no joke. I was chatting with my friends about the many ways one can make a lucrative career out of being a professional wedding planner in Nigeria. I won't say to much because this is part of my 'Get-Rich-Quick' business scheme. Then there's Diwura and Dotun which leaves me totally speechless because tears are welling up. They are so cute and their story and baby pictures....SOMEBODY PASS ME SOME KLEENEX.

Always a Bridesmaid Never a Bride

Don't complain about being the glorified 'house-girl' of the day. It can pay off and result in your own wedding if the couple you are doing the bridesmaiding for are like some of the couples I have seen on these websites. There's a saying that the wedding day is for the bride. That's no longer the case. It is also for the bridesmaids and the groomsmen some of whom are equally eligible bachelors and spinsters. These days many Nigerian brides-to-be are sharing the spotlight and putting their single girlfriends right-front-and-center. After all aren't weddings the best place to meet 'the-one-who-completes-you' (as opposed to better half). Some of the pages have complete profiles, funny blurbs and flattering pictures of the bridal party. So when your girl honors you by asking you to buy a $200 dress for her bridal train, look on the bright side. Mr. Right could be a guest reading about you on the wedding page. Check out Ayo and Bade as they prepare for their May wedding. Then there's the celebrity couple worthy of a cover story. Nwando and Dalu actually did make it on to the cover of People Magazine. Yes they got jokes and they're tres cute. So is Obi and Ify who met at a conference for Nigerian professionals NIPRO. Finally we have something to justify these extra curricular trips to 'Reunions and Mixers et al'.

Not a Wedding Crasher, Just a Word-Of-Mouth Guest

There was a time when invitation-only weddings was a no-no. It was seen as snobbery. There are some who can pull that off without much trouble. For people with families as large as mine that could mean spending the first year sending bottles of wine and whisky to appease uninvited relatives who have sworn not to attend your newborn baby's naming ceremony. These days invitation-only is not just for crowd control but also to go easy on the pockets. Back in Nigeria there was a time when I hated weddings. They were so boring and only my parents bothered to attend. Actually I used to be very upset because I never was in the bridal party and when I finally made flower girl, I fainted. I only got to be a flower girl one more time and then I expired. From then on my younger sisters became the official rent-a-little-bride-and-flower-girls and I was the rent-a-chapperone. You know the one who gets a special dress from 'aunty', sulks the entire day, eventually gets to hang out with the party so that she's happy, but is not really in the party and gets pushed aside when it's time for 'bridal party stuff'. When I became tall enough to be a bridesmaid, the gawd-awful dresses just made it a thing of misery for me. The worst thing is that people never ask you directly, they ask your mother or father. At that point, you just had to do it. As I got older I couldn't wait till I was grown enough to go out on my own and attend weddings with my friends. I guess that was the Ovation-effect. I wanted to wear the gele, the nice tradition attires and the senior-girls get-up. Basically playing more dress up. It's a bit different here in America where that dress-up game can be a steep in the pock, especailly if you are, as I hear, in the Maryland area where there's a wedding practiacally every weekend.

Where I was going with all this long story escapes me but I will be attending a number of weddings this year and crashing one or two. There's one in NJ that I'm excited about. Don't worry I am not crashing this one, but just incase my invitation gets lost in the mail I got TWO back up plans... he he he. Then on Memorial Day weekend my girl Maureen will be doing her traditional wedding outside Charlotte and in December we'll be going to Jamaica for the real thing. That last part is contingent upon how well I can save. Then I'm crashing my friend's brother's wedding in Chicago, but that's allowed since I am my friend's guest. I have already gotten word-of-mouth/ Just-Show-Up invitations to some 2007 weddings fresh from the Valentine's Day proposals.

Anyways check out the links below for a few of the lovely Nigerian couples that are getting married or have gotten married recently. They're spreading hope for CENSUS 2020. Read their inspirational love stories and may be, just may be, something can jump start a jolt of romance in some of you Nigerian dudes reading this. May be some one getting ready to propose can try harder and put more effort into the proposal. As in a chick doesn't have to tell you a hundred times about her friends getting married before you get the hint. I know Onada disagrees but Sistas, there's nothing wrong with preparing ahead for that big day. As for me, I already know what colors I want (depending on what it is, I am flexible and can work the groom-to-be's colors into the scheme and make it work). I already know who's on my bridal train, where it will be and who will be officiating. As for the website, be ready for some hot-model-chick type pictures and some flash and flying effect. Those programs are not out yet so I can't give you any example. All other kinks can be worked out when God produces 'Ken' or shall I say 'Johnny'. I'm quite sure when the time comes there'll be some new addition to the wedding production circuit that we Nigerian's will be killing to death. Meanwhile If you have any links for cute couples with heart warming love tales or any cool wedding stories, tips or ideas please share. I'm just in the wedding mood for some reason, may be it's the hormones going hay-wire or the water in California. To our newly weds, grooms and brides-to-be. CONGRATULATIONS AND HAVE A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE!!!!YIPPIE!!

Rotola and Deji
Folu and Ayo
Toyosi and Wole
Omos and Akin

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Nnenna Shines for Naija on Top Model, Neverland Ranch Shut Down

I don't need to say much on this subject. This girl is hot. Back in '01 it was the Agbani hair do, in '06 Nnenna is bringing 'Gorimapa' (bald) back in style. As in when last did an 'Ogo' (back-head) look so beautiful. Big Ups Sistuh we say 'umu-agboghobia Igbo n'amaralam mma', and that's a present-continuous-future tense. And to those in the 'american media' (very laughable) saying that Nnenna is a fake name, 'monica' or 'affection' or whureva you want call it. Biko don't just 'google that' , go and research that thing ma'friend. You'ld be surprised how many Mama Nnenna and Papa Nnenna there are. You will even find their brothers Nnanna and their junior sisters Nnenne, Nnenwa, Nnamio, Nneoma amongst all other Nnes. So watch it with the silly articles.

Anyway, this was the season that I auditioned for but it's ok, Nne is representing on my behalf. It's funny how things happen. In April when I went to Dallas for the call back Brooke (the girl with the big chin) and I were hanging out, she had her speed audition pass and I had mine and we were just gisting. I told my boyfriend at the time that this chick was definitely going to be on the show. As in initially when I left I was like darn it, she's such a nice gal I should have gotten her number or email because I know she would make it. Like Jonah sang in the whales stomach, this would be theIgbo tales by moon-light version, 'Oh no had I known'. It's all good in the hood. We shall all reach our immutable stars some day. But I have to say, somebody needs to cast me on a darned reality tv show; Flavor of Love excluded(by the way who watches that show. Hilarious. New York is 'ku-gini-krazy' and Hottie was psychotic.' By now I am sure ya'll heard Country Goldie Courtney went to Carolina, 0-2 representing, even though I am not sure why she went on the show) As I was saying Tyra, Ms. Jay and Mr. Jay need to come and discover me because AmericaNext Top Model is roasting in Santa Maria. I mean check out the potential. Bad Azz looking Serengeti Princess is about to attack like an Afro-Taliban ...and like Yetti would say 'WOOSSAAAHHH!!!!' Lol. Uburu-Ekwe (my village) peeps we fit make money o. That 'ama-konri' (paved road) is long over due.

Meanwhile back to my 'News-Van-Driving-April-O'neal-Ninja-Turtle-Paparazzi' life. Today was another interesting day. Yours truly broke a big scoop today. Got an anonymous call that the Labor commission had odered Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch to shut down. Let me first say that the day was just not going well because we had other brekaing news and no one to send. Anyways this information came in like around 11 A-M-ish and I got to making calls trying to confirm before getting every one excited. I called up the CBS guy to give him the tip and see if he knew anything. Calle my news director. This was their first time hearing it, so I knew I had anora scoop. This is the part I like, hustling to get it on as brekaing news, 'Steve-Daniels-Style'...Gotta love it. Anyways we got it on, reported it and then started gathering information. I mean even Smoking Gun and Drudge Report can't even claim to have this 4-1-1. I will be watching every network coverage carefully for anyone that says anything like 'exclusive'. As in I will get corporate to handle them. Having said that, you can't always be perfect in every situation, you will log heads with people and they will misunderstand you or misinterprete what you say. I am retracking every conversation I had and I don't know where in it the miscommunication came in. How one of my crews could leave with out a Live truck as instructed. That could have potentially destroyed all the good hard work. All I have to say is 'Satan You are a bloody lying bastardos.' Whatever goes on, be they attitudes, hissy-fits, eye-rolling, body-language, any-darn-negativity, I won't lose my religion. Everyday is 'Adaure' day. I'm made to shine and nothing can stop me. And so that concludes my very exciting day at work. NTA and CNN I hope you are paying attention, because my paparazzi-stock-o-meter mercury will soon burst out beyond your reach (and all the saints say a BIG AMMEEEENNNNNNN!!!!)

(Just refreshed google news and folks are still breaking this shall I say very old story on their websites, I'll be sleeping well tonight, hopefully tomorrow will just be a very normal day when I feel like i'm the black reincarnate of Marsha on Brady Bunch... you know how she was like 'Everytime Marsha, Marsha, in OMG 'Adaure, Adaure, Adaure' blows that record away. If I got a dollar for everytime my name's mentioned, I'ld be freaking Malibu Barbie in a pink CLK.)
Neverland Ranch Shut Down

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


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Saturday, March 04, 2006


Showdown On Tobacco Road Despite Al-Qaeda Attack

(Ok so it was not an al-qaeda messenger but that dude was crazy)

Quoting Coach Roy, 'The Tarheels are pretty daggone good'. I won't even waste time writing about it because the agony of defeat must be gruelling for the Blue Devil Dookies. I am sure you all witnessed it on ESPN. Unfortunately for Igo Wordu and the Cameron Crazies it was bitch-slapping time courtesy Roy and the Boys. I mean you gotta respect the 'ring-bearers'. But darn it Franklin Street is going to be blazing with bon-fires. I remember this time last year me, Ndidi, Singto, Mo and Des were running back and forth from Franklin Street when we were killing teams left and right in the NCAA games. Anyways, It is ok, my heart is already there. Anywho ya'll Dookies can sitdown and wait till ACC in Greens to bring wureva you got. We'll use the bling on the finger (see below) to blind ya'll. Ah how I love smack talking. For those of you in Nigeria, think of this as a soccer match or sports meet between University of Nigeria Nsukka and University of Lagos (aka Nigeria Tech). LOL!! OK that was a lame one but it's funny though.

For those of you who have no idea waht I am talking about, see the links below

Last Night's Game (

History of Carolina-Duke Rivalry (

The Al-Qaeda Bit (

Thursday, March 02, 2006


There's so much to write about. From Bird Flu to Hostage situation. From friends getting engaged to others proposing on Eiffel tower. From rough tough days at work to funny moments too. There's so much going on right now it is absofreakinglutely crazy and not to mention driving me bananas. I wish I coudl write about it all, but I am just one person with only 10 fingers. May be if I had twenty I would be able to type about every thing that happens, but biko, I am not neither a millipede or a centipede. Anyways bear with me, I will have some stuff to write about soon. I just get of work so late these days that I am spent by the time I get home. American Idol is really interesting this season, really a year of the under-dawgs. Loving Ace, Brock, Gedeon, My country home girl Pickler from Albermarle, right up the road from Charlotte, Paris and Ms. M(oops I forgot her name). Sadly for the ratings and happily for me, ANTM starts next wednesday so no show for AI. And will somebody tell me why in tarnations they had that freakingly silly show Dancing with the Stars on Sunday night instead of Desperate Housewives. As in are they mad? Oh well that's all I got to rant about, better try next time, gotta go do some reading. Peace